Staying Calm and Reasonable During Divorce

Divorce is stressful and that stress can sometimes bring out the worst in people. It is notorious for being a messy process. It does not have to be so, however. It requires effort, but you can conquer the urge to become angry and unreasonable, and, instead, stay calm and reasonable during your divorce.

When a divorce is stressful, any conversation with your spouse can feel overwhelming. Even small matters may seem like too much to handle. Everyone manages these circumstances differently, but even the most patient person can be pushed over the edge. This can affect your ability to make decisions that are best for your children, for you, and for the future. Choices on details like finances, assets, custody, and more could suffer if you’re judgement is clouded by negative emotion. In order to prevent emotional explosions each time you are faced with your spouse, you will have to maintain your ability to handle conflict.

Take some time to prepare.

Take as much time as you need to relax, contemplate, and breathe before a meeting with your spouse. If you know the meeting will be stressful, or you know that you are capable of a strong negative reaction with any provocation, then find time prior to the occasion to pause. Everyone calms themselves differently. You can try meditation, quiet, soothing music, and anything else that help you feel better about things.

Work on stress release more often.

Whatever you do to relieve stress normally, do it a little more often. If you go to the gym and workout, add an extra trip to your schedule. If you go for walks, go out with a friend, and any other healthy, calming activity, do it as often as is feasible. You may find that you’re able to manage the stress of divorce more easily and better see the potential bright future ahead once it is over.

Try to maintain some sympathy for your spouse.

If your spouse becomes angry, irrational, or provokes you, try not to take it personally. Though you may be frustrated, angry, in pain, or some mixture of all those feelings, your spouse is probably feeling the same. Circumstances vary, but if you can manage some compassion for your spouse, it will make things much easier for you.

Let your lawyer do the talking.

Sometimes, it is simply best to stay silent. If you are angry and feel an outburst coming, speaking could not only cause more strain, but it could affect the outcome of any negotiations. In order for you and your spouse to get what you need without a trial and more lengthy process, you must be willing to discuss and negotiate. If your emotions cloud your ability to be reasonable, and then you express yourself when you’re at your most angry, you could find yourself in a fight for what you want and need. Your lawyer’s job is to be your representative. He or she is trained to handle these circumstances. You paid your hard-earned money for their services, so let them take over for you. A good lawyer will discuss any decisions with you, first.

Divorce is hard, but there are ways to make it easier. Though it may not be simple, staying calm and reasonable, even during the hardest parts could make a significant difference. Let us help you at Miller Law; we’ll manage the divorce so that you can focus more on yourself.

Why Divorce May be the Healthier Choice

Divorce is stressful and hard on everyone involved. However, so is an unhappy marriage. Everyone’s paths and choices are different; some may choose to stay and continue trying to work it out by seeking counseling, making arrangements to keep the marriage afloat, or merely staying together for the children. In some cases, however, divorce may end up being the healthier option.

The stress of trying to keep a marriage together may be far more than going through a divorce.
In some cases, spouses really can work it out. However, if a marriage is too damaged to salvage, working to save it may only draw out the struggle. This is true for spouses and children alike. Working to save a marriage often takes time, emotional and psychological toil, and sometimes money. All the while, spouses often feel it necessary to “put on a brave face” for the children, other family, and the rest of the world. It may often feel as though you must both put your life on hold to save your marriage, while simultaneously moving forward as the rest of life goes on; it can feel impossible.

That does not mean that it is, of course; if both partners are dedicated to trying, perhaps the marriage can be saved. It simply means that the struggle may be long, difficult, time consuming, and altogether extremely stressful. It may be worth pausing to consider whether both of you are truly dedicated, and whether you really have a chance at the result you want. If not, divorce may be the better option for everyone.

Children often know more than adults realize, or want to acknowledge.

Parents’ instincts are generally to protect their children. They generally do so by trying to maintain a world in which their children may keep a sense of innocence. It’s perfectly acceptable to want to stay together for the children. However, it’s also important to remember that, sometimes, children understand and see more than parents want. It’s almost never a parent’s intention to let the child see the pain and anger between parents, but that cannot always be controlled. Parents may also have “blind spots” when it comes to their children-convincing themselves that the kids don’t know what’s happening when, in reality, they do.

Thus, sometimes, staying together for the children is doing less good than parents realize. In fact, it may be healthier for the whole family if the spouses divorce, live their separate, potentially-happier lives, and continue to play their roles as parents. It may make them happier, better parents.

At times, it’s just about letting go.

There are occasions when the marriage is simply over. One or both parties cannot change anything to make it better, thus remaining together probably means more misery. However, avoiding that requires letting go and not everyone is capable of doing so without some struggle. It is understandable; a marriage is a deep and serious commitment, and to have it end is no small thing. But, sometimes, letting go is the healthy thing.

If you’re considering divorce in Florida, call us at Miller Law. It’s not for everyone, but we can advise you, should you decide to pursue that course.