When A Divorce is a Surprise

In most cases, spouses know when a divorce is looming. The decision may be mutual, one may just make it clear that he or she wants it, or the fighting may be so intense that both people know, on some level, divorce is the only way. On occasion, however, a divorce is a surprise. One person may be completely oblivious to the other’s unhappiness and not see the divorce request coming.

This can be traumatic and devastating; suddenly, your life has changed and you’re forced to go along with it if you are to rebuild your future. You’ll face difficult decisions about significant details of your life-children, finances, location, etc.-and the entire process of doing so can be incredibly stressful, in addition to the pain of the unexpected divorce. So, what are you to do if this happens?

Stay calm and focused. It may take a moment to gather yourself, but you don’t want to proceed into anything hastily, angrily, or in retaliation. So, begin by allowing yourself to move past the surprise and manage the hurt so that you can start the process with a clear mind.

Gather all of your assets, financials, and any other relevant information. If you’re concerned that your spouse may try to access anything, do what you can to make sure you have everything as it should be, and limit his or her access if you feel it’s necessary. Also, you want to be sure that you have access to any finances, assets, or information that your spouse possesses, but that also belongs to you. If you are concerned he or she is keeping something from you, discuss it with your attorney. If this is the case, you might have to file a motion that compels your spouse to give you the information. If you and your spouse share accounts, begin the process of separating. Make sure to be open about this with your spouse, even if he or she does not seem to be completely honest.

Find a reputable lawyer as soon as possible. You can do this prior to gathering information, if you prefer, so that you can get advice before doing other things. However, you can always begin simply by gathering what you know you need and asking questions when you do find an attorney. Remember, never sign or agree to anything before meeting with a lawyer. You could end up making a significant mistake and hurting your future in the divorce. If you can work things out amicably with your spouse, that is a good thing. However, make sure that nothing is written or signed until your lawyer gets involved, no matter the pressure you may feel to move forward.

Take care of yourself in the process. You will be feeling a variety of emotions and they may be overwhelming. Allow yourself time and room to grieve. Never be ashamed to seek professional help if you need it. A divorce is one of life’s biggest stressors; do what you must to make it through healthy and ready to move forward.

Whether your divorce was a surprise or not, come see us at Miller Law. We can get you through it while making more affordable and easier. We’ll fight as hard as we need to for you.